This is an ever growing list of campaign slogans. All new slogans are added to the top of the list for your convenience.
- Don’t Vote Chuck for Pope because you want a better pope. Do it because this slogan told you to.
- Vote Chuck for Pope. This slogan has been brought to you by ChinCups™ brand drool catchers. You can’t control your drool, But you’re not a fool! Because you use ChinCups™!
- When you Vote for Chuck, you’re also voting for Prosperity, his evil alter-ego. Vote Chuck et al.
- As Pope, Chuck will proudly assume the responsibility of Head Coach to our professional basketball team, the Vatican City Devils, and promises to lead us to victory this year against our long time rivals, the Jerusalem Cannibals! Vote Chuck for Pope!
- When the tiny brown fieldmice gather to dance beneath the mushrooms to the forever sweet songs of the angels, Chuck will be there with a BB gun and stompin’ boots. Chuck for Pope.
- Vote Chuck for Pope, he's already the King of the Narwhals!
- Vote Chuck for Pope! Critics have been raving “Chuck is like a taller, funnier, holier Walt Whitman”, and “Chuck does for religion what Jeff Goldblum did for acting”
- Chuck is the official snack cracker of the 1986 winter Olympics. Vote Chuck. Yum.
- Vote Chuck for Pope, he's your galvanized friend!
- Chuck just learned to speak a third language, even though he's mute. Vote Chuck.
- If your shoelace comes untied, and you trip and stumble into traffic and get hit by a car, your main concern should be getting that shoelace tied again, because you don't want that to happen again do you? Chuck for Pope.
- I think it should be illegal to impersonate a rodent. Last week I discovered that my hamster was really my next door neighbor in disguise. I should have known that hamster's don't just drop by once a week to "borrow" some toothpaste. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Sometimes I wish somebody would steal my car. I'd do it myself, but I accidently locked the keys inside, and can't get in. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- One time Chuck got really angry and punched his boss. Then he pretended he was having a seizure and had only punched her on accident. The next day she came to visit Chuck at the hospital, and he threw his bedpan at her head. Chuck for Pope.
- As Pope, Chuck will personally inspect the crotch of every gummy bear you ever eat, to ensure it has no recognizable genitalia. That's a promise. Vote Chuck.
- Chuck has the uncanny ability to recall events from as recently as just now. Vote Chuck.
- Vote Chuck for Pope, it's the fast and easy alternative to suicide.
- In high school, Chuck was voted "Least likely to be voted for anything." Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Chuck is not what you'd call "The best candidate" but that's because you don't call enough things "The best candidate" Chuck for Pope!
- Chuck has seen lots of criticism lately for a few minor acts of "Massive Corruption," but would like to remind you to shut up and Vote Chuck for Pope while you still have both of your legs.
- Vote Chuck for Pope. If not, then Vote Chuck for Sanitation Commissioner so that he may exact his revenge.
- I may be the luckiest man alive! Wait a minute... I'm not alive! Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Well, I'm no brain surgeon, which is why I haven't removed any of the brains from my head collection. Vote Chuck.
- There is no word to describe the feeling of loss that stems from finding out that not every feeling can be described with words. Quick, vote for Chuck before your head explodes.
- When asking for time off work to take care of some business, and your boss asks, "What kind of business?", don't tell her "Fruit business," because she just won't understand. Chuck for Pope.
- If you're going to vote and you accidentally end up on a sea cruise, maybe the captain has a secret voting booth set up in his private bathroom. You don't have to ask, just go check. Vote Chuck!
- Once, I dug a chicken pit in my neighbor's backyard for a birthday gift. Actually I just put a sign that says Chicken Pit next to his well. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- You know what some people might consider dangerous? A cork. Vote Chuck.
- Whenever someone calls to try to sell me something, I usually return the favor and try to sell them my car. One time someone said she was interested, but it turned out I DON'T EVEN OWN A PHONE! Vote Chuck for Pope.
- So, there was this blind man walking down the street and a cheetah attacked and killed his seeing-eye dog. Luckily it turned out the cheetah was a seeing-eye cheetah and the day was saved. But then when the man was walking back home he was struck by a meteorite and the day was ruined. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- When Chuck was young he always dreamed of taking over the family restaurant. Eventually, he did. At gunpoint. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- I find most people are more receptive to being infected with a disease if you tell them you're giving them "Space germs". Vote Chuck for Pope.
- The rodeo loses much of it's excitement when the bulls are replaced by large concrete slabs, and the riders replaced by port-o-potties. Chuck for Pope!
- If you ever see an old person fighting a cripple, don't try to be a hero, instead, vote Chuck for Pope!
- We dragged John the Chicken Thief to the gallows for his execution, but the gallows had just been repainted, and the paint was still drying, so John was spared. Later we won a trophy for the prettiest gallows in Mustard County. Vote Chuck.
- Chuck's Tips for Happiness: Whenever you find yourself in a stressful situation, slap the person closest to you. You'll feel better and it will keep that person from panicking. Vote Chuck!
- Life is full of mysteries, like The Mystery of the Falling Pants. Chuck for Pope!
- When organizing a lynch mob, don't forget the name tags. Oh and pie for the post-lynching party! Vote Chuck for Pope!
- Who needs dignity? Vote Chuck for Pope!
- Vote Chuck for Pope, it's not fun, safe, or legal, but at least it doesn't weigh anything.
- Chuck is the genetic reconstitution of anonymous meat by-products and organs removed from cancer patients. Vote Chuck!
- Chuck: The antibiotics for this colon infection we call 'life'. Chuck for Pope.
- Vote Chuck for Pope, and if anyone finds out, we have a safehouse waiting for you in Mexico City.
- When you go to Vote Chuck for Pope, be sure to choose a voting center that employs Chuck's Patented Chop-O-Matic Vote-A-Tron 3000, now with extra Zing!
- If you're ever snatched off the sidewalk by a group of masked men, bound, gagged, stuffed in a trunk, driven to an airport, jammed in a box, loaded in a helicopter, flown over downtown, thrown out the side of the chopper, and you land in the middle of a wedding reception, assuming you live, it's not impolite to ask for some wedding cake. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- There's nothing funny about a comedian who beats up clowns. Vote Chuck!
- This sentence uses every letter in the alphabet xyz. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- While attempting to solve an algebra problem, Chuck added 2x to 6y and got an aneurism. Chuck for Pope.
- If you've ever seen an entire troop of boy scouts get really drunk and then practice tying knots, then you've truly seen it all. Good for you. Vote for Chuck.
- Something is not something that's easy to define. Vote Chuck for Something.
- I once saw Chuck performing a magic comedy stage act. He did a trick where he pulled a flower out of thin air and handed it to a woman in the audience. Then the flower turned into a snake and bit the woman. Finally the snake turned into a vial of antivenom. That night Chuck got a standing ovation and he also got my vote.
- Vote Chuck for Pope, so you'll honestly be able to say, "I don't want to tell you who I voted for!"
- Like a 90 foot fire-breathing lizard, stomping around destroying everything
you know and love, Chuck will work to meet your religious needs. Chuck for
- We watch in horror as Chuck solidifies his plans of religious world domination, and think, "even though he scares me, maybe I should just obey his every word anyway" Vote for Chuck!
- Chuck is always kicking, braying, and spinning around like a pair of angry
goats tied together at the horns. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- From the DESK of CHUCK: Suggestions On Improving Church Attendance -
Communion wine and wafers replaced by tequila and Oreos. Also refer to God as
"Doctor Love" and Jesus as "Holy Boy, Action Hero!" Vote Chuck for Pope.
- If you spend all day loading an airplane with crates full of baked beans,
and you go home later and see that same plane flying around, and you shoot
it down with a missile, and it starts raining baked beans, this can be
considered a sign from God to Vote Chuck for Pope!
- Chuck has replaced the Popemobile with that cool talking car from that old
80's show. He also hired ALF as his driver. Vote Chuck!
- When Chuck dies he hopes to be remember as "The guy who choked to death on
an Academy Award." Vote for Chuck.
- Chuck is Mr. April in this year's "Sexiest Hunks of Organized Religion"
calender. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Given enough power, even the nicest man in the world can become an evil
overlord, who's presence alone slowly erodes the countryside into a barren
wasteland where even once cute bunnies hide under small boulders, glaring out
at passersby, with dark eyes and cruel intentions, ready to race away into the
darkness in search of easier prey, like evil cabbage perhaps. Chuck is not the
nicest man in the world. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- When running in a marathon, kick everyone you get near. After the race,
Chuck might be there to provide you a refreshing sports drink. He might even
drive you to the voting center so you can vote for him. After that though,
you'll be expected to run back home.
- Every year on Arbor Day, Chuck plants a sapling to celebrate. The next
year he chops it down to provide mulch for the incoming sapling. Vote Chuck
- Can you imagine driving around on a golf course, in one of those little
cars, intentionally running over people until you're arrested and sent to
prison because the judge and jury just don't understand you're hatred of
caddies? Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Chuck says: "It's okay to feel fresh." Vote Chuck!
- When life needs you to build a sandcastle, but all it gives you to work
with is the dirt under your fingernails, that’s when you should Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Irregular? Vote Chuck.
- It’s like everytime I leave my house, I trip over the toilet. Who turned the outside world
into this little bathroom? Chuck for Pope.
- Voting Chuck for Pope is like the opposite of gouging out your own eye with a flaming salt knife!
- All your friends just jumped off of a cliff. Now's your chance to go Vote Chuck for Pope!
- With your luck, you'll probably check the wrong box on the ballot, and end up Voting Chuck for Pope anyway. Ha ha ha.
- Every single day since June 19, 1985, Chuck has created a new and interesting use for the common metal coat hanger. Chuck for Pope.
- Some people say they aren't voting for Chuck because they don't like him, or because they aren't legally allowed to vote, or because they are in a coma. These people are just making lame excuses. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Just Chuck it! Chuck for Pope!
- On the day that the giant doors swing open and the parade marches in, with Chuck sitting
in his Pope Mobile, you’ll see him look at you and wink, and you’ll know that you have
truly done the right thing. Vote Chuck!
- Do I sense some hostilities? Are you mad at your brother because he broke your new bed?
Chuck cares. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Chuck’s boss told him he would be fired unless he either gets elected pope, or he stops
beating up his co-workers. Chuck for Pope.
- A local law was recently passed stating that “you must vote Chuck for Pope, please.” I’m
not making this up.
- Chuck drinks 3 quarts of motor oil a day. Why? So you will vote for him.
- What’s more important, voting Chuck for Pope, or answering this question?
- No, these slogans aren’t stupid and confusing, you’re just reading them wrong. Focus on
your breathing while you read. Vote Chuck for Pope!
- The dictionary definition of Chuck is - v. to throw or toss, (i.e. Vote Chuck for Pope)
- Chuck doesn’t mind if you go through his trash. Chuck for Pope.
- If on the way to vote for Chuck you get struck by lightning, then Chuck will accept full
responsibility. Can the other candidates promise that?
- Chuck has that holier than thou attitude. Vote Chuck for Pope
- Chuck trivia question: Is it easier to knock Chuck unconcious or to wake him up? Vote
Chuck for Pope.
- Pull out my old Postal Uniform, Jed, I’m going to Vote Chuck for Pope!
- Fact: The last name of the man who invented the modern toilet is Crapper. Chuck
- When you Vote Chuck for Pope, it's okay to fantasize that you're voting for someone else.
- If you're addicted to some drug or something, next time you go out for a fix, why not stop and Vote Chuck for Pope along the way?
- I bet if Voting Chuck for Pope was the only way to keep your cat from puking in your food everytime you tried to eat, you would do it.
- A vote for Chuck is like a goat for luck. Vote for Chuck!
- Every day millions of people don’t vote for Chuck. Don’t be just another statistic.
Chuck for Pope!
- Vote Chuck for Pope! If you don’t, someone better than you will.
- Vote Chuck for Pope and send us $1000 dollars, and you may win a FREE STEREO!
- Vote Chuck for Pope! You’ll probably regret it, but not right away!
- Actually, don’t vote Chuck for Pope, he doesn’t want your crappy vote anyway, you
- Your body is 90% water, his body is 90% holy water. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- Vote Chuck for Pope, or we’ll spike your water supply with Dramamine.
- Vote Chuck for Pope and win a trip to Disney World! (trip to Disney World not included)
- Vote Chuck for Pope! Don't you think it's time for another inquisition?
- If animals could talk, they'd say stuff, but they can't, so Vote Chuck!
- VOTE CHUCK FOR POPE YOU MORON!
- Prarie Dogs, free candy, a flying trapeze in every household, the decimation of Canada,
and that is just the beginning. Vote Chuck for Pope!
- Throughout the history of time, many people neglected to Vote Chuck for Pope. 99% of
them are now dead. Any questions?
- If being pope was like being a robotic killer in the year 2360, would you want your robotic
killer dressed in funky beanies, forgiving people, or would you want it to wear a
trenchcoat and shoot people randomally.... That's what I thought. Vote Chuck for Pope.
- If the pope was a giant stalk of celery nothing would ever get done. Chuck is not a giant
stalk of celery. Vote Chuck!
- Chuck is a giant stalk of celery. Vote Chuck!
- Chuck will restore the lost purity, ethics, and dignity to the Popehood. Vote Chuck for
- Vote Chuck for Pope! If you don’t, hedgehogs will take over the planet.
- If hedgehogs ruled the planet, they would Vote Chuck for Pope!
- If you’re ever walking along, and you pass a bank, and someone bursts out the door,
yelling “Help, help! Pope Chuck just robbed the bank!” then you shouldn’t believe them,
because it was probably just an evil clone. Chuck for Pope!
- Most people don’t use the word smuggle very often. Chuck uses it in almost every
sentence he speaks! Vote Chuck for Pope!
- Don’t you think it’s about time we had a religious leader who’s addicted to cough syrup?
Vote Chuck for Pope?
- Ever seen a cantalope break the sound barrier? Vote Chuck for Pope!
- You could Vote Chuck for Pope, or you could just stand there and pee your pants while
people throw eggs at you and try to set you on fire.
- Remember the time your mother ran over your dog in the driveway? That was no
accident. Vote Chuck for Pope!