This is the entire amount of hate mail received by this site since it's conception in August 1999, not sent through the WWCD advice column. The E-mail addresses are removed to protect the ignorant. And an observation I want to lay down so I don't have to state it in every reply, I've noticed that most people who send negative feedback to websites have poor grammar and spelling abilities. As you read through these entries, take note.
Perhaps you yourself have grown to loathe my wry, clever humor, and infallibility. Let me know here.
This one was sent via hatemail from a young "lady" going by the name "Karen"
She writes, "Often, I find that you use the word "you're" when the possessive "your" is the correct form."
It's one thing to abash me for perhaps offending your religious sentiments, to despise me for reducing two thousand years of religious tradition into an incoherent sort of joke. You could call me an evil tyrant, promoting hatred and intolerance for a group of people who choose to believe in a higher good. Call me the next Hitler if you so wish. But insulting my grammatical misgivings, that's simply heartless.
So I was wrong, the November 13 email was legitimate, and "The Catholic Church" has written me again. This was received Novermber 16, 2001.(See below)
After contacting Tripod, I returned to your website with the hope that it had been taken off-line. Sadly, that has not happened. Yet. I responded to your website in that manner in which I feel it was created, crude and simplistic, thinking it would be the best way to approach someone with your ignorance and lack of dignity. I read in your biography that you are serving in the armed forces and it frightens me that such a sacreligious and immoral person is defending the country that I love. In your response you say you wish to "rival him (the Pope) in stature...". Unril you open your heart to Jesus Christ and accept Him as your one true savior, this will be an impossible task. Although it is unlikely that you will ever attain the Holy Father's worldly statue, you can take comfort in knowing that we are all children of the Lord and He loves each and every one of us, even those like yourself that have strayed from His flock.
Dear Catholic Church,
Allow me to respond line by line.
"After contacting Tripod, I returned to your website with the hope that it had been taken off-line. Sadly, that has not happened. Yet."
I see that your initial course of action in attempting to deal with a perceived threat is to silence it (Trust me, I'm not a threat. A more worthy cause for your time might be to ban homosexuals or abortionists from something) . This disturbs me on many levels. I suppose that my freedom of speech should be squelched because I express different beliefs than your own. And while I'm fairly confident that I have not violated any terms of service in the creation of my site, and can't imagine Tripod shutting it down, all my material is well backed-up and can be mirrored easily on another server.
"I responded to your website in that manner in which I feel it was created, crude and simplistic, thinking it would be the best way to approach someone with your ignorance and lack of dignity."
Personal attacks. How dignified, and educated you seem. As a representative of your church, your approach of threats of eternal damnation and childish attacks should be considered more carefully.
"I read in your biography that you are serving in the armed forces and it frightens me that such a sacreligious and immoral person is defending the country that I love."
Sacreligious and immoral, perhaps, but that is by your religious standards, not my own, so these attacks are meaningless. So I say that it frightens me that you claim to love this country, which I have offered to give my life up for as needed, but feel it necessary to take my freedom of speech and now my freedom of religion, and belittle me on top. Perhaps this is my shining ignorance, but I'm not sure I understand your angle.
"In your response you say you wish to "rival him (the Pope) in stature...Unril you open your heart to Jesus Christ and accept Him as your one true savior, this will be an impossible task. Although it is unlikely that you will ever attain the Holy Father's worldly statue, you can take comfort in knowing that we are all children of the Lord and He loves each and every one of us, even those like yourself that have strayed from His flock. "
I have honestly tried to keep my Chuck character as non-catholic as possible (as suggested in my reply to your previous correspondence), choosing the pope as an icon mostly because of the cool hat and recognizability. Specifically my intent was a generic religious and political character around which to base a mock campaign. Though you may not approve of my brand of writing (to the point you felt it necessary to brandish your religious stick at me), there are many that do, so I suggest you just move on with life.
I received the following email on 13 November 2001, shortly after adding the convenient form above. I don't think it is at all legitimate, the message doesn't seem genuine, and the Catholic Church, to the best of my knowledge, is not presently represented by an underdisciplined 8 year old child. That said, I present the email, and my response.
Name: The Catholic Church
Writes: "YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR *ATTEMPTING* TO MOCK THE MOST HOLY FATHER. YOU SUCK!"
Dear Catholic Church,
How nice to hear from you. Verily have I angered you, it appears, because the church does not use the phrase "You suck" very often. In fact the church has used this most holy insult only on 3 occasions in history. Once on the nation of Spain. Once on Hitler (post-humous). Once on Jimmy Carter. So though I have gained your disfavor, it seems I have been given a dubious honor. I accept graciously.
Mind you I am not running for Pope of the Catholic Church. I am running for Pope of the World. I am not mocking your "Most Holy Father" merely do I wish to rival him in stature. Just as if I said I was running for president, it would not be imprudent to ask, "Of which country?" And running for president of France would not be an attempt to mock the American president. Or would it?
Thank you for your interest in my cause.
Writes, "THIS IS BY FAR ONE OF THE STUPIDEST, MOST WASTE OF TIME, I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON! GET A LIFE AND A JOB CHUCKIE. BTW YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS ONE UGLY ASS COW...I HOPE YOU DIDNT PUT A RING ON THAT FINGER YET, I'D HATE TO WAKE UP NEXT TO THAT THING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE"
If this website is the biggest waste of time you've ever laid eyes on, then you haven't seen the ABC Primetime line-up. Good for you!
Since you make this claim with only ad hominem evidence to support it, there is no need to defend my website.
Though to defend myself, I would like to say that while I'm sure the cow you're dating is very pretty, we in the God Lover's Club strongly discourage relationships with farm animals. Also, you're argument against me marrying someone because you would hate to wake up next to them is interesting because what the hell does that have to do with anything?