This Speech was written and submitted by Dale. Dale is one of those people
who is truly beyond description, so just go ahead and read her entry.
Are you tired of looking for Waldo with no visible success? Quit
looking for Waldo. Waldo has been found, and Waldo said to tell you
something: "I once was lost, but now am found." Shouldn't you vote for the
man who found Waldo. Guess who found Waldo. Maybe with the world population
teetering on the edge of doom, you think you don't show up amongst all them
masses. Just remember.Waldo didn't show up either, until you really, really
searched for him. And very few of you tried hard enough to find him every
time. But one person did not give up .Yes. One. And that was Chuck. That's
right. Chuck found Waldo.And Chuck can find you. Don't get lost in the crowd
where only Chuck can find you. Vote Chuck early. Let Chuck put you in the
P.S. This bumper sticker testamonial will be sent free of charge for placing
on the back quarter acre of your (or someone you know's) yuppie SUV. We will
send Waldo along too, if you want to talk to him about being found in a lost
world. Waldo said to tell you he is willing to sit inside the yuppie's SUV and
GIV his life story. Of course, there is a price but we take Visa. If you want
the Chuck Choral for background effect during the testamonial, they fit nicely
on the dashboard. If you want the Chuck Chorus, they snuggle comfortably and
sing praise hymns in the front ten yards or so of the SUV. Please specify if
you want the conference stadium rock musicians and their attendees, who sing
the Chuck anthem while you contemplate your vote. They also fit in the SUV. As
you can tell from the different times you yourself have hunted Waldo, he likes
to travel with an entourage. Otherwise he is too easy to find. It took Chuck to
find Waldo. And in the privacy of your mobile cave (suv) Waldo will cheerfully
give you all the details you need to cast your vote. Right now, you should use
your satellite link mobile phone to speak directly with headquarters who
present for your reading enjoyment the following disclaimer: Remember,after
your order for Waldo's private audience is taken by our recording device you
may not always recognize Waldo once he is actually in your SUV, as often,
during the heat of testamony, many choral members also present testamonies and
other Chuckology paraphanalia. And furthermore, Waldo said to tell you
personally that he has often been in your SUV already, but you did not see him.
That hurt. You owe it to Waldo to Vote for Chuck.
A reader who desires only that chuck consider Waldo for Vice President. Waldo
served in Viet Nam, unlike Chuck. Don't BLAME Chuck.He is much younger than
Waldo. He did not dodge the war and he can prove it by his birth certificate.
Chuck is only a youthful 21. But, Chuck already knows more than Waldo. And he
has more hair. And remember, as Vice President or Not as Vice President, Waldo
already voted for Chuck. You can too. Whether or not he chooses you as vice
President. And whether or not you have more hair. WE insist. Vote Chuck for Pope.
My oldest and dearest supporter is a insane Jewish Tech Support guy for AOL.
Here's Sam's speech.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Flugnberries. I stand before you, not as a mere candidate
for pope, but also as a puppet at the mentally deranged hands of my
speechwriters. Yes, some people think the power goes to world leaders, some
think it’s the corporations, the oil companies, the drug dealers, and the weed
pullers of America. But no, it’s the speechwriters. They are the ones that
dictate our policies. We candidates are the ones to suffer the consequences of
being bound by contract to bad temp agencies who staff our writers. We are the
ones that suffer when our incompetent editors PENGUIN!!!! PENGUIN, PENGUIN,
MIGABA WHOOP WHOOP SWEDIIIE!!!!! and present us with unreliable work. So,
“why am I here today?” you may ask? I’m here to explain to you my plan as
religious leader of the most rapidly expanding religion in documented history.
Apart from the integration of important holidays such as Grushen (sic) Empire
day on April 5th, and the festival of the intergalactic cow on June 15th into
our great religion, my goal is to create a global culture that will hail the
divine aspect of all religions, but mainly our own. I have a vision, folks, a
vision of a world where the poor and homeless are constantly clothed by
garments made of excess naval lint, a world where you can eat squirrels
without suffering indigestion, a world where trepanation is covered by basic
health plans, and above all a world where script writers are exempt from all
employee drug screening and psychiatric evaluations, with permission to use as
many run on sentences in their work as possible. In conclusion, I would like
to ask you to rescue my current speechwriter before the proof-reader syndicate
catches up with him, marinate him in bean dip, and serves him to the poor and
elderly. Your arteries will thank you for it… SKOOTLES, y’all….